Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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