after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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