now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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