so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
