He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
