I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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