just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
