I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
