it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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