whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
