I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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