How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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