Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
