I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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