Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
