That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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