youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
