So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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