i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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