There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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