There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
