ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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