i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
