I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
