Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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