He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
