i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
