Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
