Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
