Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
