Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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