New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
