Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
