Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
"it" just moved
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
