Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
