M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
FUCK WHALES
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Two words: nipple clamps
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