She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
