How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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