To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
