I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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