Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
