nut hugger
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
