I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
