Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
