My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
