You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
