I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All I want is dick and wine.
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