i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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