My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
