Non-Jews are for practice
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
