if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
