I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
