I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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