Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Michael Bay diarrhea
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
There's even glitter on my cock...
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