Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
