this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
